Ironing, feminine hygene products, and Poop

This morning as I was ironing Husband's work shirt (though, why he continually wants me to iron his shirts when I do such a terribly shitty job is beyond me. He's much, much better at it.), he came in an asked me what was in the toilet. Never a good question to hear first thing in the morning when you have two 3 year olds. He then said it looked like a pad. Oh, well, it's probably toilet paper. They both tend to use WAY too much toilet paper and then either forget to flush or just say screw it, Mom'll do it. I've plunged the toilets in my house at least 4 times in the past 2 days. Husband then goes back into the bathroom and pulls the pad-like object out of the toilet. It was, in fact a sanitary napkin. Lovely. Which means, one of the twins got into the bathroom cabinet, pulled out a pad, opened it, did God knows what with/to it, then tossed it into the toilet. I have no idea where they found the time to do this since they tend to get in and get out of the bathroom in a pretty timely fashion. Keep in mind also, they have their own bathroom. Devoid of pads and sporting a brand spanking new (as in, it arrived yesterday) toilet seat that has a mini toilet seat built in so they don't fall in and get all gross and toilet water soaked. They still insist on using the bathroom in the master "suite" as much as they can. Oh, and the brand new toilet seat that came in yesterday? Yeah, they somehow managed to get poop ALL OVER IT. 15 minutes after I had installed it. They did try to help, but if you have toddlers, you can probably imagine the results of said help. Did you guess poop smeared onto places on the toilet seat that it hadn't originally been? Well, if you did, CORRECT! After they did that the tattling girl child ran up to me and SCREAMED that the boy child had made a mess with poop. Flashbacks of them "painting" with their poop when they were babies still sharing a crib crippled me with fear. I ran in the direction of their bedrooms, all while the babe is still latched onto my nipple. I could have cried tears of joy when I saw it was only on the toilet seat. I'll take cleaning excrement off a toilet seat over a crib and the surrounding walls any day.

And I would take almost anything over a poonami.

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