Monday, June 17, 2013


You know what's annoying? People who expect other people to be mind readers. In particular, females. Women are the worst about doing it. I've done it before, although I try not to and usually succeed. Anyway, I saw this picture on Pinterest today about what females say vs. what they actually mean. I feel like there's this broad generalization that all women say one thing, but mean THE. EXACT. OPPOSITE. all. the. time. Well, I don't and most of the women I know don't. You know why? Because if I'm around someone who is always in a snit and I ask what's wrong only to get a bitchy "nothing!" I'm probably not going to ask again. And if someone is always like that, I'm probably not going to associate with that person much. Because it's annoying as hell and frustrating and it makes me want to throat punch. Anyway, I fixed the picture. Well, sort of. I fixed it for me.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Boobular Illusion

So, it's been a while. I wasn't sure if I'd post again because I never know what to write, but this just HAD to be shared. You know the tie dye with sharpie tutorials that are all over Pinterest? Yeah, did that today. The shirt turned out pretty well except for two small problems. My sharpie skills are lacking and it makes my boobs look like they are very small and directly in the center of my chest. I told my friend this and she didn't believe me, but it's true. Judge for yourself. It looks pretty ridiculous.

Monday, December 24, 2012

No Heat curls with headband

Yeah, I did this a long time ago, but here. Look how beautiful I am. Essentially, you wrap your hair around a headband. That was easy enough. Getting my hair out of said headband...not so much. I had to cut the headband and thought I was going to have to cut some of my hair off. I think the look is was worth it though. I mean, isn't this just a gorgeous 'do?

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Bird is the word

I got to go out last night. With ADULTS. I've forgotten how to interact with other adults, specifically adults I don't know. But oh, well, my awkward ass still had fun and I looked AWESOME. I actually did get hit on too, which was pretty cool considering it's rare for me to get hit on by normal looking guys now. Poor guy was probably devastated that I turned him down. As for the abnormal guys that hit on me, that always makes me laugh. Inside though, wouldn't want to really upset them.

If you think your eyes can bear the sheer awesomeness of me, here are a few pictures...

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Bird Costume Part II: The Birdress

This is just a little small update post. I've almost completed my dress for the bird costume. I just have to finish the little belt/sash thingidoohopper. Anyway, I'm pretty proud. I've considered doing a tutorial for this dress, that's how much I love it. I wouldn't advertise it as a birdress though. I don't know anyone who wants a birdress. I would advertise it as a color block dress. And let me tell you, it's easy. I already explained how I did it so I'll just shut up and show you how it turned out.
Also, yes I'm fully aware that I need a black bra.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Bird Costume Part I: Wings

  Halloween is quite possibly my favorite holiday. I love it. I love the smell in the air, which no one else seems to smell. I looked at Husband one year with excitement in my eyes and voice and said, "It smells like OCTOBER." He looked at me like I was nuts and asked what October smells like. It's not anything I can describe. It smells like fall, with a little something extra. I know, I know. I'm nuts. Husband was right.

  Anyway, I have the kids' costume ideas all picked out, except for Gabe. He keeps changing his mind. One day it's Batman, the next it's Green Lantern, the next it's Ninja Turtles. All of which I'm fine with, if he'd just make a decision. But he's 3. 3 year olds are not known for their decisiveness. Bella is going to be a mermaid princess and I've almost finished her tutu tail. Tututail. Heh. Alex is going to be a socktopus. No, that isn't a typo, his tentacles will be made from socks and/or stockings. It's the cutest freakin' think EVER. 

Now we get to me. I didn't dress up last year because Alex was bitty and having a bitty baby and a husband who was working a shit ton of hours didn't really mesh well with me trying to plan a shit ton of Halloween stuff. Plus, all I was doing was taking the twins trick or treating. I was okay with not dressing up. This year, however, I've been invited out. YAY! I don't know yet if I'll get to go, but in pure Joanna style I'm getting my hopes up and planning like I do every time I want to do something. So I had to come up with a costume on the fly. While we can't afford for me to buy a costume (because they're ri-fucking-diculously expensive) or a ton of fabric for me to make a costume. Plus, even though I've lost 10 lbs (YES. 10 LBS. YEEEEESSSSS.) I'm still, er, jiggly and fluffy and gross. Then on Pinterest I found a tutorial on  how to make bird wings. I'd already seen a tutorial for these types of wings, but they were for kids. I'm in no way the size of a child. The one I found was for adults. I dug through my scrap fabric and found enough solid black and solid purple to make some 'feathers'. Then I cut up a bedsheet. Yes. I butchered a bedsheet for my costume. Even though I'm still all fluffy and jiggly and grotesque, I still wanted to look cute so I then decided to cut the bedsheet up even more and make a skirt. It was....horrendous. It made me look 15 lbs heavier. That skirt slapped me straight across my face and said 'Screw you, bitch. I think you need to look as terrible as possible.' So you know what I did? I took out my seam ripper and ripped that hussy apart. Then I made it better. Because I'm awesome like that. Okay, what I really did is ripped it apart, sewed a purple panel on the front (color blocking? Oh, yes. I did.) and sewed it back together. Then cut the bottom off a black t-shirt and sewed the skirt previously known as hussy to the top of the shirt to make a dress. It isn't quite finished, but so far I'm very pleased with myself. 

And now, without further ado, here are my awesome wings. And if anyone knows a bird that is purple and black, I'd really appreciate you letting me know. Because so far, if someone asks me what type of bird I am, I've got nothing. I told Bella I'm a Joanna Bird. :/ 

Ignore my flat ass. It's the sweatpants, I swear...Or maybe not. Whatever.

Oh, and also, the link to the tutorial I used. Ish. I kinda winged it after the first little bit. (Pun intended.)

I'll post again either when I finish my birdress or when I finish one of the kids' costumes.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Mei Tais

Well, I haven't been on here in forever. :/ I'm pretty sure my lovely sister is my only regular reader anyway and I tell her all my stuff. Anywho, I made a mei tai baby carrier! It's pretty awesome. I have a sling that I usually wear to carry the babe, but he's just getting too big for it. :( My mom made it for me and I love it, but seriously, the babe's legs are all bunched up in the bottom of it. Also, I broke my first needle!! I feel like it makes me more of a sewer now that I have. Of course, if I hadn't had backup needles I would have been hella pissed, but I did so all is well. Here's a picture of my wonderful creation. Be in awe. BE. IN AWE. Yeah. I rock.

And here's a link to the tutorial I used.